are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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