what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
