saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
