on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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