I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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