Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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