GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
