hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
