your parents love me but you hate me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
God, I missed his penis.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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