I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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