Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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