Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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