first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize