Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
