i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
