Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
