I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
