Whoa Z and x make the same sound
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize