I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Randomize
