How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
