you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
