If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize