i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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