I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
