2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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