he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
