i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
