I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
