I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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