we have pet lesbian snakes
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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