i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
FUCK WHALES
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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