Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
