just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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