the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
