Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
