You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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