i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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