you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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