I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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