i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
