Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
