Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
