We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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