take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He passed out mid-signature
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
