EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize