she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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