i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
