she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
