Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
