I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
