the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
