I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
