I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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