I didn't shave. On purpose
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
