i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
