Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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