i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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