break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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