id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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