Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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