No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
