fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
