Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
