I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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