she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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