so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
