Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
