3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
