My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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