you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
