I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
