Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
